Review: Wahl

Wahl Massager pictured with its four attachmentsI was wary about purchasing the Wahl massager. Negative reviews aren’t exactly common (I’ve never read one) but I’m not a big fan of pinpoint stimulation. This became apparent when I started feeling I may have been a bit harsh in my Salsa review. Sure, the charging system is infuriating but otherwise the Salsa is a good toy. I just seem to prefer toys with dual or broad heads.

Like the Hitachi Magic Wand (now called the “Magic Wand Original“), it’s a mains powered device designed for the relief of muscle pain rather than the provision of orgasms, but naturally a lot of people prefer using it for the latter. As you can see in the picture, the cord is rather long, much more than that of the Magic Wand (2.7m/9ft vs 1.8m/6ft) which I like because my power strip is a fair distance from my bed.

When I first tried the Wahl, I could not figure out how to hold the damn thing in a way that was pleasurable. It felt heavy, awkward and just plain boring. Most people seem to prefer the knob shaped attachment, so I tried that first. Maybe I was so convinced that I preferred broad stimulation that I couldn’t relax and enjoy it, I don’t know. I tried each of the other attachments in desperation. They all felt the same.

I tend to move other pinpoint vibrators around a lot when I’m using them, but doing the same with the Wahl just doesn’t seem to work. I figured out that it felt best to use it the same way I use vibrators with broader heads: hold it firmly in one spot and only move it when I start to feel numb or too stimulated. I came pretty quickly after this and squirted. The only other time I’ve experienced this from a vibrator was the first time I used the Medisil Magic Touch, so it was a nice surprise. I manage to squirt about half of the time that I use it, so I’ve definitely learned to put towels down beforehand.

The Wahl loses considerable power when pressure is applied but since this is the case with so many vibrators, I’ve now learned to live with it. The vibrations are otherwise seriously intense. The first setting is enough to get me off most of the time, but the second setting really is something special. It’s a really deep, pulsating thumping sensation that usually gets me over the edge pretty quickly if I’ve become numb from the first setting.

Once I discovered how to best use the Wahl, I haven’t found the other attachments nearly as enjoyable as the knob shaped one. They’re too big and awkward.

Powerful vibrators are rarely whisper quiet but the Wahl manages to not be overly loud. It’s very quiet if an attachment isn’t pushed into place. The attachments increased the noise level quite a bit (some more than others) but using it under a quilt/doona seems to muffle even this almost completely.

The Wahl runs on 120v power, so you’ll need a voltage converter/transformer to use it in Australia. I got one with my violet wand but it stays at Bride’s place so now I’ll have to get another. Boo.

Other than the weight and size, the only other real negative is the fact that the attachments are made of PVC. This is something that really put me off, but hey, powerful vibrators can be hard to come by. It unfortunately means that they are porous and that they can never be thoroughly cleaned, so avoid sharing with anyone you don’t share bodily fluids with.

I definitely enjoyed the Wahl a lot more than I thought I would. Even with shipping from the US, the Wahl only cost me AU$32 (though keep in mind the potential costs of a transformer) which is amazing considering how much power it has.

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Things I Never Thought I’d Like: Submission

For as long as I’ve been engaging in kink, power exchange has been an aspect that confused me and sometimes even frightened me. This is rather apparent in some of my earlier posts. In my about me section, I am clear about not being into it:

I’m a masochist, meaning that I find pain sexually arousing in certain contexts. Though there is denial among some that one can be into sadomasochism without being into power exchange, this is the case for me. I’m not a submissive or a dominant.

Things aren’t quite so simple now but to provide a good overview of my views on submission today, I need to go back to the beginning (to see how I define terms like dominant and submissive, which may help in understanding what I’m about the write, look at this post).

When I began engaging in kink, I thought I had to be submissive to get the other things I wanted (namely pain). I’m not sure I ever used the word submissive to describe myself, but upon learning that I was more inclined towards receiving than giving, the men I played with would assume a dominant role. I think this is one of the main reasons that my early sexual experiences seem so awkward and uncomfortable to me now.

When I first discussed my sexual preferences with Bride, I asked in general terms whether he preferred being “in charge” or having the other person take charge (not knowing if he would be familiar with terms like dominant and submissive). He said he preferred to be equals, which confused me greatly as he stated just previously that he was into things like impact play. I didn’t understand how someone could be into these things without being dominant or submissive.

When we started doing kink together I was happy that he wasn’t trying to do things like orgasm control, which others had tried in the past with no success (I had a hard enough time reaching orgasm without someone telling me when I could and couldn’t). There was a little voice in my head that said “shouldn’t he be trying to dominate me?”, but eventually I got over that because I was actually enjoying what we were doing. Most of our spanking sessions were initiated with me placing myself over his lap.

Then things got more complicated. I began to realize that I wanted to be humiliated. I wanted him to slap me in the face and call me names. He struggled with this a lot at first. As he himself enjoyed receiving pain sometimes, he could understand why I liked it but did not want to do anything that he thought would show a lack of respect to me. Seeing how uncomfortable he was with this, I didn’t push the matter but he gradually warmed up to it. He would tap my face very lightly at first but began to savour my reactions from this type of play as much as the ones he caused during pain play.

Humiliation was becoming one of my major kinks. Just confessing what I wanted caused me a great deal of embarrassment (thankfully the arousing kind), never mind when Bride actually did the things. Pretty soon, experiences like this one were commonplace.

As well as humiliation, we engaged in consensual non-consent play frequently. During this I was able to act compliant under the guise of being too afraid to struggle. The illusion that I would only be meek if force was applied quickly faded when I found it hard not to do what I was told at other times.

I became worried. It didn’t seem that I was fitting so neatly into my masochist box now. I considered whether liking humiliation just meant I was an emotional masochist as well as a physical one. “Emotional sadism” seems to be another one of those terms in the kink world which everyone thinks means something slightly different, but from what I gathered it tends to encompass degradation rather than “mere” humiliation. Now, what exactly the difference is between these two also depends on who you ask, but the main themes seem to be an intent to psychologically break a person, the intentional exploitation of weak spots or pushing beyond one’s emotional limits. At the very least, people seem to agree that degradation is more extreme than humiliation.

None of this really appealed to me though, so I was back to square one. I didn’t want to be broken, there were topics and phrases that were off limits to me and I’ve never really liked the idea of limit pushing for the sake of it. What I engaged in with Bride never made me feel bad, just embarrassed, sometimes dirty (both emotionally and er… physically, depending on what ended up on my face…) and small. Recognizing that last feeling was what really scared me.

Submission is embarrassing to me, because being inferior is embarrassing. Having my inferiority pointed out to me is especially embarrassing. Despite how uncomfortable it was to face these feelings, it seemed a waste not to exploit what had such a great potential for feelings of humiliation when it was such a big thing for me now. I started to ask for and enjoy more overt forms of having authority asserted over me, such as having Bride tell me that he is better than me and that I’m an object for him to use as he wishes. I questioned whether humiliation play could exist outside of a D/s dynamic but never came to a solid conclusion. Any submissive feelings I have are always so entwined with feelings of humiliation that it is difficult to tell.

Almost out of necessity because of the recent issues I’ve been having with regards to my ability to have sex, I began seeing a wider variety of things as having sexual potential. I developed an interest in cooking and found enjoyment in serving Bride food. Massages, though I had always enjoyed giving them, started to give me those embarrassing submissive feelings. Bride rested his legs on mine while we were sitting in a rather empty cinema and instead of making jokes about his attempt to be “all domly dom”, my first instinct was to massage his legs. When I got jokingly defensive later and suggested that he was the submissive one, he said “I’m not the one that was just used as a foot stool for a quarter of the movie” which made me feel so delightfully embarrassed.

So yes, it would seem that I do enjoy feeling submissive sometimes. I still don’t really know if I am what other people would call submissive though. I’ve repeatedly emphasized throughout this and other posts that I provide a lot of input into the scenes that Bride and I engage in. A lot of my enjoyment comes from things other than pleasing Bride, though this may be because asking him what he would like rarely seems to amount to much. Pursuing my own desires ends up pleasing him indirectly because he likes seeing me enjoy myself, so I’ve learned to just do that. I can’t relate to many of the writings I read about D/s as much of the focus seems to be on rules, assumptions and “trueness”. But whatever, I’m having fun and I finally managed to admit that the kink I engage in is a little more than pure sadomasochism!

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Pelvic Floor Physiotherapy and Other Adventures

It has been three months since I had the endometriosis surgically removed via laparoscopy but my pain hasn’t really improved. After a bit of research, I came across some information that suggested chronic tensing of the pelvic floor muscles can be a cause of pain for some people and decided it might be worth figuring out if I was doing that and if so, trying to treat it.

I’ve had three appointments with a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist and have been doing various stretching exercises and using dilators in combination with a relaxation CD to try and stop any tensing that may be happening during penetration. The initial stages of penetration have become easier, but I have to be careful about not hitting a spot that is located deeply on the right side as this usually just makes me tense up again. It’s hard to find a balance between doing everything as carefully as possible and being too rough about trying to move around the dilator to massage out any tension that is there, but I continue in hope that it will improve my pain.

In case all of this doesn’t work out, I have an appointment with a Gynecologist that specializes in the treatment of pelvic pain in a couple of months. My previous Gyno, though experienced in the surgical removal of endometriosis, is not experienced in treatments to provide in cases such as mine where pain persists in spite of removal. He seemed to think that the physiotherapy was a good idea at least.

Walking anything longer than a short distance is painful on most days and I still get down about it all sometimes, but the daily exercises and dilator usage at least make me feel like I’m doing something to try and get better. I want to exercise but as mentioned can’t walk for very long. I used to enjoy bike riding (which I got into after it was recommended to strengthen up my knee after surgery a couple of years ago). While it hurts less than walking while I’m actually doing it, it made my pain worse for days after and the Physio said it was a bad idea as it was likely to tighten the muscles further. She suggested swimming, but I’ve never much liked that and there is the issue of finding a bathing suit that fits.

I’m not really supposed to be having sex until I can insert the largest dilator with a discomfort level of less than a 3 out of 10, but I have had it a few times. I haven’t experienced more than slight discomfort on most occasions. Like dildos, dilators always seem to cause more pain than his Bride’s penis for some reason.

I went to an endometriosis awareness event recently with Bride which helped me to feel less alone (though unfortunately the turn out was rather low). If you’re interested in attending one, you might be able to find one that is being held in your city at Endometriosis Worldwide March. Though it was good to go with Bride, I wish I had thought to bring my parents too as there seems to be a lot they don’t understand about the condition.

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Review: Jimmyjane Contour M Massage Stone

Photo of Jimmyjane Contour M Massage Stone with black backgroundMy fondness for Jimmyjane’s Afterglow massage candle lead me to wonder what the Contour M massage stone was like. Being able to use the Contour M with massage oil was appealing, plus I liked its streamlined design.

It’s a great toy for temperature play. Being ceramic, the massage stone can be heated up with warm water or oil from a massage candle. You can also make it cooler by putting it in the fridge/freezer or running it under cold water. Massage oil can be easily washed off with soap and water when you’re done.

The Contour M can be used by having either all four points, just one point or the dome top in contact with the body. Using a single point can feel rather harsh if you’re not gentle, but overall I found the sensation pleasant. It gives a focused, deep massage and  is good for areas such as the neck and shoulders. Using all four points is slightly less intense and better for larger areas. The dome feels like the palm of a hand gliding softly across the skin, but it is somewhat difficult to get a good glide when using it this way (especially without the use of a massage oil).Holding the stone

Things can get slippery when you use the stone with oil, but it has yet to slip out of my hand completely. The improved glide that comes with using an oil makes movement much quicker and easier.

There wasn’t nearly as much strain on my hands and arms compared to my experiences giving massages without the use of the stone. It might not feel as “intimate” as the hand/body contact involved with a regular massage (nor quite as good), but it’s easy to use and a good way to treat your partner to something nice when you’re not feeling particularly energetic. You can use it on yourself too, though due to the lack of handle this requires a fair bit of reaching around.

Showing the underside of the stoneSince Bride has bigger hands than me, he is unable to cup it in his hands quite like I can. It’s still rather easy to maneuver but still might be something to keep in mind if you have large hands.

I’m fairly pleased with the Contour M massage stone overall. It seems well made and is a great massage toy for those who find their wrists sore or worn out when giving traditional massages for whatever reason. Jimmyjane offered a number of other massage stones in the past but this seems to be the only one that is still available.

Thanks to Black Label Sex Toys for sending me this toy to review!

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The Latest on Pain

A bit has happened since my last post. The ovarian cyst went away after I had the Implanon removed, but I was still experiencing pain in the same location. Most things had been ruled out so my GP and gynecologist started to suspect endometriosis. I was booked in for a laparoscopy but that was delayed due to another condition. When I was finally able to have it, endometriosis was indeed found and removed (unfortunately the only real way to get a diagnosis is through surgery).

That was a month ago and I’m still in a fair bit of pain. On top of that, I’ve had a UTI and a yeast infection since then. The first round of treatment I took hasn’t cleared up the latter yet so I’m stuck shooting cream up into my vagina for another 5 days in hope that it will be gone after that. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be some other random problem.

On the bright side, the first time I had sex with Bride after he came back was amazing. It was like my vagina agreed to let me have this one instance of sex without doing crazy, pain inducing stuff. We’re still able to have sex sometimes, but not as frequently as usual. He’s understanding at least.

I’m taking the pill now and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be (though apps like this one help a great deal). It’s not as easy as having a rod in my arm that only has to be changed every 3 years, but I was told it would lessen the chance of endo coming back.

It has been months since I’ve felt able to use a dildo, but I hope to get back into reviewing soon. I’ll probably be sticking to non-insertables for at least a while longer though. I apologize for my lack of posts as of late, but it has been a lot to deal with.

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